Advice from Doris Anderson

Safe Sex for Lesbians

As you know, we are in The Century for Lesbian Sex and though the odds might be against us, I am in the front lines, helping my sisters have hot, fun and wild sex.

And honestly, the single biggest challenge to having sex is finding someone to do it with, and do it with SAFELY.

And I mean safe in all ways: emotionally, physically and especially safe from folks who say it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.

For example, how many times have you been chatting with someone and they roll their eyes, sighing with disgust over the fact that their girlfriend wants to have sex “all the time.”

Unless their girlfriend is a sex addict, she probably doesn’t want to have sex “all the time.”  Just every day.  Though not always logistically possible, could someone please tell me what on earth is wrong with having sex every day??

Then, there are those sisters who frequently brandish the statement, “I’m not in the mood.”

First of all, the word “mood” should be struck from the vocabulary of lesbians.  It is the ultimate euphemism for a deprivation attitude because the phrase “not in the” is always in front of it.

Secondly, what on earth do you mean you’re not in the mood?  Did you just fail your dissertation defense?  Did you loose your wallet a week ago and just realize it now?  Did you just see a giant Burmese Python asphyxiate a wild piglet at the zoo?

How much of a “mood” do you have to be in to make somebody you love feel good?

Frankly, I’ve had it.  I don’t ever want to hear someone say to me they aren’t in the mood again unless they’ve just come out of surgery from donating a kidney.

Another sign that someone isn’t big on sex is if they are frequently “too tired” and/or often “don’t have time.”  True they may be tired, but wouldn’t getting some bush when they are bushed be a nice pick-me-up?  And regarding the folks who “don’t have time” what they really don’t have is a fun-loving personality to embrace a quickie.

So to all of those eye-rolling, moody, tired, and time-crunched lesbians, PLEASE note, there is no need for excuses.  It is perfectly OK if you are someone who is not interested in sex for any reason or no reason.  If you don’t want to have sex, there’s no need to date someone or have a girlfriend who wants to have sex with you. There are plenty of lovely, brilliant and fun women who want to play Boggle, write poetry or watch TV while they are NOT having sex with you.

Which brings me to my first of two radical, conscious-raising, safe-sex concepts: Lesbians who want to have sex need to hook up with lesbians who want to have sex.

And my second concept is: Lesbians who like to have “lots and lots” of sex need to hook up with lesbians who like to have “lots and lots” of sex. And so on.

These ideas may not necessarily be pertinent to a one-night stand, but they are definitely helpful if you are dating and most especially need to be ironed out before you exclusively date someone or commit to a monogamous relationship!!

For example, if someone says they like to have sex, and look genuinely excited about it, ask a deeper question:  How often do you like to have sex?

Make no mistake, I am not dismissing the level of quality of a sexual act, but you can’t put the cart before the horse.  You have to actually do it in order to assess the quality.  And if you pair someone who likes sex three times a week with someone who likes it once every three months, well, you’re going to have two unhappy lesbians and I can already tell you what the quality of their sex life is going to be like.

Communication is key!  I’m sure many of you are aware of the term “flagging.” This is, in my opinion, a rather misleading articulation of sexual interest – hanging a particular colored bandanna out of the right or left back pants pocket.  For example, someone might be flagging, “I’m a bottom looking for a top.”  That may be true.  But what exactly are they looking for a top for?  Believe me, it’s not always for sex.  When this happens it makes so mad I just want to yank that hankie out of the persons pocket and blow my nose on it!

Consequently, I would like to institute a new system of flagging for the lesbian community.  Those of us interested in sex should all wear, for example, tasteful pins on our lapels when socializing to communicate our frequency of desire – Bars of Service if you will.  Much like our cell phones indicate bars of service to signify the how much reception is available in a certain area from their provider.

For example, one Bar means you are generally crabby and you have to be “in just the right mood” to do it.

Two Bars mean you are sometimes irritable but, on a rare occasion, can be “put in the right mood.”

Three Bars mean you have the average lesbian sex drive, which is what exactly?  There are not many surveys out there and as for the one that are, how accurate and up to date are they?  Let’s just say for the sake of argument the “average” is being perfectly happy to have sex once a week.

Four Bars mean you are frisky!  You never whine when sex is suggested and have a “let’s DO IT!” attitude.

Five Bars mean you’re a Sex Positive Machine.  Even in the face of food poisoning, you’re willing to swill down Pepto-Bismol and give some hanky-panky a shot.  (Please note, a S.P.M. is not to be confused with someone who is a sexual predator, sex addict or stalker.  Although, I had a little stalker once and it was very flattering.)

We can also get into endless details, like the color of Bars of Service can communicate important information like, “I only like to have a lot of sex when I am as drunk as a skunk.”  Or, “I like to have sex infrequently with Stone Butches, but will consider a ‘Soft Butch.’”  Or, “I only like to have one-night-stands, and enjoy performing sex up to five times within a 90-minute time slot.”

I say it’s always good to know what you’re getting into as no one likes to be set up for disappointment.  Imagine how you would feel waiting all day to go the Country Buffet and saving room for dessert only to find out all the Cool Whip Chiffon was gone?

Lezzies, there’s nothing wrong with having a high, medium, low or no sex drive – it’s a matter of a finding a safe-sex or no-sex match.

And whatever your sex drive might be, please continuing to help spread the word about The Make-Out Date!

Sexy Hugs,


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